He forgot to mention that ~YOU’LL GET SHOT~ if you go to Detroit

This morning George Malik wrote about this “Livability of sports cities” ESPN story in his article Stereotypical Detroit sports stupidity from ESPN. I don’t know who DJ Gallo from ESPN is, but I would like to sincerely thank him for providing me with a giggle fit this morning.

Like Malik, I think I need to quote Gallo’s hilarious analysis of Detroit here –


Livable: Well, the Tigers are off to a fairly good start. And you and a few friends could always buy an arena and live in it if you wanted to. That’s extremely livable.

Unlivable: The Red Wings’ run might be over. The Pistons stink. And the Lions remain nothing to get aroused about, regardless of Jim Schwartz’s tastes in tailbacks. When things used to be bad in Detroit, you could always escape west to Ann Arbor and the success of University of Michigan athletics. Not anymore. Now it’s probably best to go east and just walk into the depths of Lake St. Clair.

Verdict: Unlivable. It’s good Jim Leyland can’t smoke anymore. If the Tigers caught on fire, Detroit would have nothing left.

Let’s do a little close analysis of this passage; I am an English major after all.

First of all, Mr. Gallo believes the Tigers are off to a fairly good start. PERSONALLY, I think a 20-16 record in the middle of May is PRETTY EFFING SPECTACULAR for the Tigers. Miguel Cabrera is also leading the league in Batting Average AND RBI’s while Austin Jackson, a rookie, is 6th in Batting Average – no big deal!

Next line: “And you and a few friends could always buy an arena and live in it if you wanted to. That’s extremely livable.” I really do not appreciate this sarcasm and malicious jab at not only Detroit, but Canada, too! I’m pretty sure Triple Properties Inc. out of Toronto isn’t a group of BRO’S who’re planning on living in the Silverdome.

Gallo basically saying the RED WINGS DYNASTY is kaput doesn’t surprise me. People have been saying this, or something along the lines of this, for yeeeeaaaars. I’m pretty sure people were even saying it after we won the Cup in ’08. People definitely said it when Yzerman retired, definitely said it when we lost in the finals last year, and are sure as hell saying it now. Honestly though, how would the Wings’ “run” EVER be over? The Phoenix Coyotes “run”? Probably over – because THEY’RE MOVING OUT OF PHOEINX! The Red Wings are inextricably tied to the city of Detroit – don’t worry guys, they’ll be back in October. To the surprise of DJ Gallo.

I’ll skip the Pistons and Lions part because – I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – squeaky shoes and football are my #1 and #2 pet peeves. BUT! I will say that The Palace and Ford Field are consistently filled up and, whenever I wanna watch hockey at a bar, I am usually thwarted by a basketball or football game that’s on. So people obviously care about those teams, regardless of how much they suck.

As a student at the University of Michigan, my next comments might be biased in the slightest (me? biased?!). Obviously I do not watch football so we won’t even go there. When I went to go to mgoblue.com to prove a point, guess what came up on the homepage?

image from mgoblue.com

Boom. Roasted.

As far as the Lake St. Clair comment, Malik hit the nail on the head:

Lake St. Clair is about 11 feet deep on average, so, shipping channels excluded (they’re the lake’s deepest points, at 27 feet in depth) , you could essentially walk across it.

I realize I am in the minority here as a Defender of Detroit, but I truly believe our sports teams are what keeps this city together. Can you think of anything that unites as many people in Detroit as our teams do?


3 Responses to “He forgot to mention that ~YOU’LL GET SHOT~ if you go to Detroit”

  1. mcconmar Says:

    Oh my goodness, that last statement about walking into Lake St. Clair is priceless! Lol!

    Unfortunately we’ve had an unlucky streak regarding professional, and even some college sports in our state over the past few years. I agree that the Wings will be back. They are our pride and joy in Detroit next to the Tigers. I also believe that our sports unite Michigan citizens more than any other state, by far. After all, even I will root for MSU if they’re playing the team that wears red.

  2. George Says:

    It’s only fun until somebody pops a cap in your ass. 😉

    I also think that the one thing that unites us more than our sports teams is simple: our sense of humor about being the butt of international jokes simply because we’re Detroit, the supposedly unlivable, crappy car-producing, crappy sports team-representing town whose detractors…

    Don’t do their homework very often.

  3. ronniejc Says:

    Im not sure whats going on with Detroit sports at the moment but I know sooner than later we will come around, or at least I hope. I also want to make it known that Detroit isn’t all that bad, although the city has been making the national news more than often. However, this post is really funny and makes me think of the prior years when our sports were actually doing well. Detroit sports will be back, I’m sure of it!

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